Picture the scene. The full washing basket with clean folded clothes at the bottom of the stairs, ready to be taken up. I’m in the kitchen, tidying up from the battle that was dinner with the kids. Husband comes home from a hard day’s work and goes upstairs to get changed. Now someone please tell me why, why, why does the washing basket not go with him? It’s clearly there to be taken up, it’s difficult to step over it to get up the stairs and it’s bloody heavy! Don’t get me wrong, if I ask him to take it up he will, no problem. But while I am warming his dinner up and scraping the food off the table that magically fell off the plate, or out of the children’s mouths, I don’t always immediately jump in to action and think to say “Oh love could you take the washing basket up for me if you’re going up anyway?” So why not think ‘ah, washing basket, me strong man take up for woman.’
And does it end there? No! My all-time favourite: “Is the dishwasher clean or dirty?” ‘Open the blimmen door and have a look! Don’t call me from another room (I’m probably taking the washing basket upstairs) to ask me, if the contents of the dishwasher are clean or not. Is strong man scared of Dishwasher?’ “Honey, why can you not put your plate in the dishwasher? Why put it in the sink?” I ask. “I didn’t know if it was dirty or clean.” Really? I mean really????
Or another classic. “Can you tell the children to switch the lights off when they leave a room?” “Yes, I can, but I herewith give you permission to talk to them directly.”
We also have the passive aggressive statements. “Why is there no toilet paper in the bathroom?” Well let me think about this one love. I am no psychic but I guess the person who used the last bit didn’t put a new one in? What you are really trying to say is, I expect toilet paper in the toilet, tell the kids to replace it when they used the last bit.
Pronouns, get them right will you please. Don’t get me wrong, if I wanted a professor of the English language I would have married one, but basic knowledge should be a given. “We should really reseal the bath Love.” He doesn’t mean we he means me and I’m not doing it.
Sunday afternoon. “Why are we out of milk?” Mmmh. Probably because we used it all. “Now there isn’t enough for coffee.” “No there isn’t.” Big sigh. Me: “Shall I go and get some?” The martyr: “No, it’s alright. I just wont have a coffee then.” Oh for crying out loud I’ll nip to the corner shop.
“Why is the heating on?” I thought the 2 degrees outside were a good reason to put it on, but please correct me if I’m wrong.
At least I can get a good nights sleep and replenish for the next day. That is, if I win the race of falling asleep first. I did not. He is snoring, I nudge him gently, nothing, I nudge him harder, nothing. In his words I get up and do a wrestling jump, elbow first on to him. “What are you doing?” “You are snoring.” “I’m not snoring I’m not even asleep.” “Well if you’re not asleep, then stop making those noises.”
Me: “Good morning love, how did you sleep?” “I had a dreadful night, didn’t get any sleep at all”. That’s not what it sounded like.
You got to love them!